What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 27.06.2025 00:37
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
What is it that gives a man who is a submissive cock sucker his most pleasure?
So whats the point in blame.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
This is soul school!.
For the first time, an external factor turns a male mammal into a female - EL PAÍS English
All the time i was locked up.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I couldn’t, believe it.
What are examples of real life forced feminization?
I was 9 years of age.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She loved him until the end.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She found it foreign!.
Do you usually wear your panties over or under your pantyhose?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
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I was very sick at this time too.
Especially a lifetime of it.
He knew the spot.
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19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
One cannot live in the past .
Is Taylor Swift actually a nice person?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I was seconnd youngest,
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She wouldn,t have been !
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Was to survive, this bastard.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I said to her
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
And i lived it daily.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I don,t even have a pension.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Who then, do I blame.?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
We all went to grammer schools
Im still living with it.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But ive been too sick for many years..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
So, i spoilt her more .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I will be 64.
I write beautiful poetry .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We were not on the streets..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
As i do to all so called friends.?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But it wasn’t much.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She was in good health!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I think the readers, may guess!
I waited trembling.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Ive learnt so much.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But, we were locked up after school.
It was going to be , some day.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Comes on , in middle age.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
(And it was in our own minds.)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Why did i forgive my father ?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
My life is so biszare .
He resisted the act ,that day.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Put me off passion for life!!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
When she asked me how she looked .
My family never makes their pension either.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
What did i know ?
I was scared of men, in general
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I never cut or harmed myself..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I have no regrets .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Would this be the day?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She married twice! .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?